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Watch out on Halloween

I'm not stocking up on sweets for tonight. A year back some kids thought it would be funny to creep up on me in the camp. You know, scare the bejeebers out of the funny old bloke who lives in the car. Thing is that I had left me coat and hat stuffed with paper and straw and propped "me" up by the fire, while I was down the pub enjoying a "trick or treat" of ale. I could hear the young blighters ahead of me as I made me way back across the fields to me camp, and they were obiously getting pretty freaked by the dark path alone. Nervous whisperings. One of them didn't want to continue, but spurred on by the two others did. By the time they were near the camp I was not far behind them, watching to see if they were friend or foe. I don't mind a joke and a laugh, but not malice. They crept into the camp and sneaked up behin " me" by the fire. About 14 or 15 years old they were. They paused and seemed unsure for a moment what to do. Then one of them picked up a log and preparedto throw it at "me". Not very friendly I thought. Could have knocked me out cold. So I made the weirdest, loudest, nasty sound I've ever managed. Cross between a bison, a Chihuahua and a whoopee cushion. They jumped I can tell you. Out of their skins! Proper brown trouser job. Began to panic, they did, and looked all about, "Hello, anyone there?", but they couldn't see me in the dark. Then with luck the "me" by the fire began to slowly tip over. My coat caught alight in the fire embers and has never been the same since, but it was frankly worth it as those kids ran faster than they thought possible, which resulted in them slipping, tumbling and falling in the long grass to get away. A couple more weird noises from me and they were long gone. So have fun toight but don't be a pillock!

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